I'm Just Sayin'...©

"I never allow myself to look tired..." From mattk in Utter tosh from the pen of Matt K (19 minutes old)

That skin cream advert with Matthew McConnagay in it is a hoot. It's clearly been done in the time-honoured tradition of shaving adverts dating back to the Seventies. "Grr! Manly! Yes it is! Honest! B… more

Germany Celebrates Reunification! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (18 hours old)

Chancellor Angela Merkel — reunited Germany's first leader to grow up in the communist east started the day with President Horst Koehler and other leaders at a prayer service at a former East Berlin… more

X Factor is getting crappier every week From mattk in Utter tosh from the pen of Matt K (20 hours old)

You could argue that it serves me right for watching it but hey, I like trash tv sometimes and X Factor is surely the best in that category. I love the pompousness of it, and the fact that those invol… more

"I Did it For the 77 Virgins" From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (23 hours old)

BBC London UK- In an extremely rare interview to be shown later this week on BBC2, Cat Stevens now known as Yusuf Islam, talked frankly about his past, his present, his future and his faith. Duri… more

Naptime was successful!! From mattk in Utter tosh from the pen of Matt K (1 day old)

Thanks for your comments - and yes, I did manage to have a nap, for like 45 minutes! Tremendous! I had to go and wake Logan up for his tea, he was spark out. (Yes, he is napping as I type this!!… more

I'm Inside The Queen! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (1 day old)

A Liverpool man who claims he has been "inside the Queen" has been speaking exclusively to The Dead Synapses Society. Harry Whatt, of Walton Road, Liverpool explained that he has been a blood do… more

Siamese Twin Sisters To Split! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (3 days old)

In what has turned out to be quite a shocking story, Siamese twin sisters Alecia and Gabrio Chinzano are to split up over an apparent illicit affair. Alecia Chinzano had been seeing boyfriend, To… more

More dadness From mattk in Utter tosh from the pen of Matt K (3 days old)

OK, so I've started working part-time this week so I can spend more time looking after Logan. It's brilliant, and I love it, but where the hell does this kid get all that energy from?? He's only 11 mo… more

Flying Pig Spotted Over Scarborough! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (3 days old)

Approximately 200 people spotted a flying pig over Scarborough yesterday. The event occurred at around 13:30hrs and said pig continued to soar about for approximately thirty minutes, much to the ama… more

Teenager Seen Using Public Phone! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (3 days old)

Embarrassed- fifteen-year-old, Katie Price, was spotted making a call from a public phone booth yesterday evening. "Look my mobile just freaked out on me, honest it did!" she pleaded to passers-… more

New Nostradamus Predictions Found! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (4 days old)

Prophecies made by Nostradamus, uncovered for the first time since the 16th century, state that Uri Gellar is actually set to rise to prominence in the world of astrophysics, and become one of the m… more

The Illness Debate Continues! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (4 days old)

Once upon a time and not that long ago, the UK just had to worry about its raging drug problem. Now, there is a new social plague hitting our streets, and it is people who deal and take illness pure… more

Masked Raider Strikes Again. From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (5 days old)

The Masked Raider of Swansea, known locally as “The Masked Raider of Swansea” and nationally as “The Masked Raider of Swansea” yesterday spoke out against people who tease ants by laying a trail of … more

Exercising with Osteoporosis From tel1342 ^Pro in Back Troubles (5 days old)

If you have osteoporosis, you might mistakenly think exercise will lead to fracture. In fact, though, using your muscles helps protect your bones. Osteoporosis is a major cause of disability in … more

US Flag Satanical? From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (5 days old)

A study conducted here in the UK by professional scientists who wish to remain anonymous due to the controversial nature of their findings, discovered that many features of the American flag were Sa… more

Prince Harry to Command SAS. From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (5 days old)

Whitehall – London: In a press conference today arranged at the UK Ministry of Defence, Brigadier General Sir Spencer Cameron confirmed growing speculation that Prince Harry (third in line to the Br… more

Santa Claus Forced To Outsource! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (5 days old)

NORTH POLE (Bloomberg Report)-Prohibitive production problems and local labour loopholes have forced Old Nic’s little helpers to seek alternative budgetary strategies or else cease global toy distri… more

A sorry waste of a vast quantity of alcohol From mattk in Utter tosh from the pen of Matt K (6 days old)

I assume his P45 is in the post... http://uk.video.yahoo.com/watch/6338139/16440695 8|… more

Life Guard found Dead in Bath Tub. From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (6 days old)

Swansea: South Wales: - In what appears to be life's greatest irony, Broderick Griffiths, a 33 years old lifeguard who dedicated his whole life to save others, was found dead by his wife Gwaeddan in… more

C of E to Reinstate Blood Sacrifice! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (6 days old)

The Most Reverend and Right Honourable Dr. Rowan Williams is the 104th Archbishop of Canterbury. This morning speaking at the General Synod Meeting being held at the Memorial Hall, St Peter's Colleg… more

Projectile Vomiting New Olympic Event 2012! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (7 days old)

London Mayor Boris Johnson today announced that the British Olympic Committee for 2012 have introduced Projectile Vomiting as an Olympic event. "It makes perfect sense" said Boris "there's plent… more

Syringomyelia-Spinal Cyst From tel1342 ^Pro in Back Troubles (7 days old)

Syringomyelia (sih-ring-go-my-E-lee-uh) is the development of a fluid-filled cyst (syrinx) within your spinal cord. Over time, the cyst may enlarge, damaging your spinal cord and causing pain, w… more

Alan Johnson Defends Prof Nutt Sacking! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (8 days old)

Home Secretary Alan Johnson says Prof David Nutt went against a "long established" government principle by telling the truth. Two members of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs have resi… more

Osama Bin-Laden joins Masonic Lodge! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (8 days old)

One time international terrorist and all-round bad boy, "Ossybin" has now fully integrated with Worcestershire Society by joining the regional Masonic Lodge. "He will be a great asset", enthuse… more

Cows in a Field From MrRook ^Pro in Rämbles in the Weedy Shack (8 days old)

This is very self-indulgent and nerdy, but I can't posting a screen-shot of my Mac. My wallpaper shows a field of lazily grazing cows, chewing the cud under a big blue Norfolk sky. It was a lovely ear… more

Afghan "Leader" Hamid Karzai bans The Dead Synapses Society! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (8 days old)

Afghanistan’s Unpopular b*stard, puppet-President Hamid Karzai, has taken another drastic step in his clampdown on any form of criticism of his regime by shutting down all internet cafe's which prov… more

Coping With Muscle Spasm From tel1342 ^Pro in Back Troubles (9 days old)

* Pain and stiffness that doesn’t ease up within the first three days. * If a back or neck spasm is accompanied by tingling, numbness or weakness, see your GP immediately. What Your Symptom … more

Fry Missing Again! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (9 days old)

Stephen Fry, the quick witted butler in Jeeves and Wooster, and the 'Oxbridge educated' host of TV panel quiz game QI, has gone missing again, fuelling speculation that, this time, he may be gone fo… more

Trick or Treat! From tel1342 ^Pro in The Dead Synapses Society (9 days old)

Reports are coming in from all over the UK of children as young as 5 demanding money with menaces! Chief Superintendant Hal O'Ween said "I think these reports are very unlikely. There are very … more

Any Motorhead fans? Your assistance please. From mattk in Utter tosh from the pen of Matt K (11 days old)

OK, so I've been a fan of Motorhead for many moons now. But like a lot of people who call themselves Motorhead fans, it's mainly the early stuff I have in my collection. The last album I actually boug… more